Realities of a 30-Something Expat Millennial

Once I finally got hot water, half the building’s power went out. My girlfriend’s heater is half working. Delivery forgot half my order, and I can’t dispute the Bank of America charge because it’s only half posted. Here’s the kicker: nowadays when I call Bank of America, I can only half verify.

When I left the USA for India, I paid off my phone at AT&T. Then I ported my number to Google Voice so I could use it forever. But when they send the verification text, I can only half verify—Google Voice has authentication limits these days.

I’m looking at a Biscoff box right now. Maybe I’ll eat the whole thing so I can reclaim what many call “whole.” Just kidding—my girlfriend makes me whole. Even with her half-working heater. At least it’s better than what keeps me warm: stubbornness.

She’s out on the porch, talking away in Hindi. I love it when she speaks half Hindi, half English—I can almost understand. Without her, I’d be even more feral than I am now. Right now, I’m only half.

I spend half my days caught between living like a local and like a foreigner. I have to go back at some point, but I’m also building a life here. Sometimes I catch myself: Am I only half living because I’m only half present? Or are some parts of me still in the US? My dog sure is. Don’t even get me started on being half a world away from him.

I’m here to build a business. However, my Indian friends tell me to relax and enjoy life. Indians are all about enjoying life, let me tell you. I want to stay here for a long time—possibly beyond a year. But I won’t be able to stay beyond a year if the business isn’t built. And no, a half-built business won’t suffice either.

I see two possible scenarios. The first is that I overthink things. Sorry, I got that backward: the first is becoming more Indian, and the second is staying more American.

What would happen if I fully adopted Indian life like they say? Would my life flourish and therefore my business succeed? Or would I get taken off my mission and just settle? It’s funny how countries and cultures borrow from each other. Every place has its differences—for better or for worse.

I’m worried my American Dream will falter if I become more Indian—meaning my business won’t succeed. On the contrary, maybe my business will succeed if I assimilate more. My Indian friends say Americans are much more concerned with work than they are. Maybe it’s consumerism, but it could just be our culture. I enjoy that Indians live in the moment and view work with less reverence than in the USA.

Essentially, all this means I’m even more confused. If I fail, should I fail the American way or surrender to the Indian way? Perhaps there’s a third scenario: a scenario of becoming whole again and blending my old life with the new.